Over fall break I went to Ithaca, NY to visit my boyfriend Bryan. My train leaves Toledo at 3:50am and since my parents live in Ann Arbor my Dad always drives me. When returning to Ann Arbor my train gets in at 6:00 am and my Dad comes back to pick me up. This trip was a little unexpected because I wasn't planning on going but I have been planning on going to Ithaca for Halloween.
On the way back from Toledo this morning with my Dad, who is a very calm and humerus guy, I brought up our ideas for Halloween costumes. I tell my dad the ideas, Toy Story characters, Mariachi Band, and an Old Lady and all of her cats, and all of a sudden he goes. YOU WILL NOT GO BACK FOR HALLOWEEN. YOUR IDENTITY AS A GIRLFRIEND IS OUTWEIGHING YOUR IDENTITY AND RESPONSIBILITY AS A STUDENT AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS. The last time I heard my dad yell at me was when I was in middle school and he was using words I didn't even know the meaning to and I just laughed and he started laughing and life was good. So, taking up a similar strategy I just started laughing. Needless to say that didn't go over well and I was told if I was going to ever go back to Ithaca I had to find my own transportation to and from Toledo because he was no longer going to condone me visiting him all the time (All the time being this was my first time this semester).
After thinking about this all day I started feeling guilty about wanting to be with my boyfriend. I have decided though that my identities have not changed. I have always been a student and continue to be a student and I have been a girlfriend and will (hopefully) continue to be a girlfriend. I think what my dad meant to say was my priorities in my identity have rearranged.
I have never been a fan of school but doing well in school has always been a huge deal to me. I used to cry if I got B's and I didn't get my first B until my second semester of my freshman year of college. The more I live and learn the more I think that school means less and less to me. Unfortunately it is the only way to get where I want to go (I want to be a doctor). My first couple of years I studied all the time and never really did anything fun with friends I was never that happy of a person either.
Being happy is a huge thing for me. At the beginning of this year I decided I was going to purposefully do things that I love and enjoy. One of them may be that its okay to get a B in a class if that means that I have more time to enjoy my friends or boyfriend. I don't want to get to the point where I feel like dropping my student identity completely but I think it is natural and okay to prioritize my identities depending my life. Being a student my life is in constant flux, which may mean my identities are in constant flux as well. As of right now my identity as a girlfriend is super important to me and it makes me happy to be with him so I am going to go visit him for Halloween but this doesn't mean that I don't still strongly care about school or that being a student isn't who I am anymore.
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Heather,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your blog, and can relate to you with regard to devoting practically all of your undergraduate years to focusing on studying in order to do well, and while doing this losing focus on your social life. I do agree with you that there is only up to a point where you can worry about your grades and you need to stop and realize that there are other important things in your life to that you feel you want to give attention to. I do not think that you should feel like your identites are conflicting though. You have both and probably just need to figure out how to better balance them so that you are happy. I really liked how you brought up the idea that your identity changes or the part of your identity that is most important to you is situational and depends on what else is going on in your life at the time. This is a interesting point, and I would have to agree with it.
-Amanda U
Heather,
ReplyDeleteI can definitely relate to your post, especially the part about studying all the time during a certain part of your life, and not experiencing more of the social side. It is challenging to keep up with the heavy workload in college classes, along with maintaining a social life and a long distance relationship. However, if you can learn to merge all these identities (which it looks like you are doing), you can feel a sense of fulfillment in several areas and be holistically happy. Just because you place more importance on your relationship during a certain time doesn't mean your priorities in life have changed, like your dad implied. Rather, you are making your own decisions about what you consider important to you at that instant in your life. Very interesting post to read!